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i just want to see you underwater.

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Jan. 14th, 2009 | 12:28 am

things could be better and things couldn't be better.

there are some things i want to change but i also don't want to change anything.

i sort of feel like my life has reached a plane of stability and that things are going to be how they are for a while now. unless in the next few weeks something outrageous happens and changes everything. i don't have anything in mind, i just want to address the possibility. for example, i could decide to start my own improv troupe and give up any academic pursuit in order to focus on getting big enough to take my show on the road. i might hole up in my bedroom devoted to recreate my identity through blogging.

i'm also thoroughly confused. not about anything imminent; a general haze of confusion floats around me, always, just outside of what i'm doing in the present.
it's something to do with being satisfied and restless, disappointed and proud, and cheerful and melancholy all at the same time.

my bones tell me 2009 is going to be remarkable for it's lack of anything remarkable happening. i want to make a list some of the things i actually realistically want to do this year and it reeks of ennui so i'm not going to do it. that;s somewhat depressing. here's a pretend list.
1. make an impromptu trip. flights are cheap and so is gas.
2. get a tattoo on my arm. a big one. i'll hate it in 10 minutes.
3. go to roskilde. again.
4. take french lessons. get GOOD.
5. form a band.
6. learn to sew. properly. make nice things. displace rodarte in the marketplace.
7. join a book club (the list is starting to smell like boredom/getting to realistic, isn't it?)
8. take risks on the stock market.
9. have an affair that i actually get more pleasure than angst out of (not likely).
10. call into talk radio shows a lot. maybe play canada writes on cbc radio.

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from: anonymous
date: Jan. 18th, 2009 04:35 am (UTC)

11. impulsively fly to guatamala to join beautiful people and take a week intensive spanish course
12. realize i love it there and spend months on end with foreign/sun/and sweet sweet lovin
13. have RIDICULOUS all night long romp session with smart chaucy men that frequent the science
14. maybe explore the dark room with above mentioned scientist?
15. peace. love. and delicious snacks

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